April 2021 – Hanah Murphy
Coming Full Circle
At the very beginning of my time in Crave, we were asked to choose a word which represented the intentions we set for our upcoming year of exploration and growth. I chose the word “circle”. As in, full circle; referring to the cyclical nature of life and the regenerative connections made through time. It was a concept I was just beginning to experience as I slowly became attune to the synchronicities and serendipities present in my own life and work.
Discovering what exactly that work is was one of my main motivations in deciding to embark on the Crave journey. What was my purpose? How could I channel my skills and resources into my passion? I joined Crave feeling like I was following a path lit only by the sparks of the people and ideas I had met along the way. I knew there were common threads to what I was learning, experiencing, and doing, but I had no clear sense as to where this path led.
From studying environmental science to working in agriculture and hospitality service, back to studying urban planning and working on youth-centered educational design, food was the only thing holding it all together for me. Food represented the opportunity to bring human societies back into harmony with our natural environment. It represented a life-giving tool to reconnect our communities back to their health, their cultures and each other. Food not only represented our history, but also a tangible way to engage in shaping the kind of future we want to see for life on Earth.
In the end, I did not leave Crave with a crystal clear idea of what to do or who I was in this work. I did not graduate with a specific project or role to pursue. But, through the vulnerable community Crave cultivated, through the time we dedicated to ourselves and each other week after week, I understood the importance of simply showing up for what I believed in. The Crave leaders I built relationships with encouraged me to keep following these sparks and to trust the quiet pull of curiosity. The breadth of experience shared by our community partners taught me there is a space for everyone, and the individual idea of purpose may only come through collective pursuit.
Now, almost three years after my Crave experience and three years of committing to show up for the future I believe is possible through food, I am working at the intersection of all these experiences as a farm coordinator and program designer for Grow Orlando, led by fellow Crave alum Frank Bailey. Grow Orlando is committed to employing young people in agricultural roles that not only provide economic opportunity, but also cultivate a sense of connection to self and environment. We are working to build a network of community-led micro- farms growing on otherwise unused, arable land; teach the next generation of farmers and food entrepreneurs; and cultivate healthy, resilient, local food economies through our network.
This work may not have an explicitly clear path, but drawing on the sparks of our collective community I know we can light the way for future generations.
Talk about coming full circle.
March 2021 – Shanay Pugh
Crave being a beginner …
Crave taught me that it is ok to be a beginner. I joined the Crave IV Leader class with high anticipation. My project was just an idea at the time. I hoped to bring coaching to inmates or “returning citizens” leaving prison and jail, to help them reconnect with their families upon release. These relationships are vital and are often dysfunctional — at best — before incarceration, and frequently fractured afterwards. My heart is to bring restoration to these families.
Overtime, after a few Crave spiritual formation sessions and Crave professional development classes, I began to realize how important it is to lean into the discomfort of not knowing it all and to be ok with being a beginner.
After some time in prayer and reflection, I realized l was placing limits on my project. Not only do I want to help restore returning citizens, but I also want to offer a program to the officers guarding them.
As a former correctional officer, I recognize the burn out many officers suffer from compassion fatigue. You may not see the burnout that happens inside the walls of the jail and prisons, but I do, having experienced it myself. Many of the returning citizens arrive home with a misguided frustration and anger at the way they were treated inside. This frequently impacts how they manage their lives on the outside.
For me, being able to see the “full picture” during my time as a Crave Leader has come at the expense of losing my expectation of having it all together. I have had to accept that even when things do not turn out as planned, purpose is still found.
Here are a few things I have learned from my experience as a Crave Leader.
- Knowing your WHY is so much more important than the HOW. The how will come when you can keep the why first. For me, the WHY is the restoration of families from all returning citizens AND the staff who care for them.
- Embrace the lessons you are gifted. The process is not always black and white. There is a lot of gray. Learn to color outside the lines and be ok with starting over. Embrace being a beginner.
- Water your seed with love, gratitude, and patience. Just because you planted a seed yesterday, do not expect an overnight harvest. Nevertheless, remain committed to the planting process.
I have not finished my project, but I will. In the meantime, I remain committed to being busy with a purpose. Here are a few projects I have completed since I became a Crave Leader:
- I authored and published two books about divorce to help families become restored after the loss of love and marriage.
- I taught a 3-part series on healing from past trauma-restoring lives.
- I started a new position as an ability analyst to help the sick and injured ensure they receive payment while recovering.
- I continue to host monthly bible study meetings with women to teach them how to rest from life’s busy demands. Despite the pandemic we continue to meet and impact these women and families.
- I have participated in 5 or more interviews about my book and the importance of supporting those men and women who are walking through separation or divorce.
I continue to crave being a change maker in this world and, even though I am a beginner, I am learning how powerful that process is.
Thank you Crave for helping me to be ok with starting over, and with being a beginner. I will continue to cultivate change wherever I go and hope to pitch my project to jail officials at the end of 2021.
Shanay Pugh Crave IV Leader
February 2021 – Terri Hartman
How Crave Has Changed the Direction of My Life
I have been a book lover for as long as I can remember. Promoting literacy has always been a passion of mine. In August of 2016 I installed a Little Free Library (littlefreelibrary.org) in my front yard. It brought me such pleasure to share books with the neighborhood and to become more acquainted with my neighbors. I began having little contests for the kids in the neighborhood and giving out books on Halloween. It was a wonderful experience!
I soon wanted to do more, and I began to research bookmobiles and book purchasing. My hope was to have a bookmobile that could reach areas not close to the public libraries. I also wanted to teach reading to adults so they could, in turn, read with their children. I knew Karen Roby from when she managed a local bookstore. I wanted to pick her brain about book purchasing and running a bookstore. We met for dinner and, after hearing my idea, she told me about Crave.
In August 2019 I joined Crave as a leader. I met the other leaders and was amazed at the passion and energy everyone had. The overall feeling was one of giving and love and I felt at home. One leader who had a big impact on me was Marquis McKenzie. After one conversation with him, my view of the world completely changed. I went from thinking I knew how the world worked to realizing I had seen everything through my own white-colored glasses. He blew me away and inspired me in so many ways. He literally made me want to be a better person, and made me want to share that inspiration with others like me.
As my year as a Crave leader continued, I realized that a bookmobile was not the path I was meant to take. Instead, I applied for, and was accepted to, Adler University’s master’s degree program in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. I want to find a way to help non-profits run smoothly and efficiently, and to be more inclusive. Adler University’s mission is to graduate socially responsible practitioners, engage communities, and advance social justice. I am already applying what I’m learning in my current role as Crave’s Alumni Development Chair.
January 2021 – Katie Brown
Oh, So Very Grateful
Last January, my husband and I took what we know now was our last trip for a long time. We went with one of our favorite couples for a long weekend in the Keys, one of our favorite places. I had been traveling in North Carolina on business the week prior, so I flew solo from New Bern to Key West to meet my group. On the flight down, I decided that I was going to do something I’d wanted to do for years. This was it. This was the time.
I was going to get a tattoo, y’all.
I’d wanted one since my dad passed away, unexpectedly, about eight years ago. During this time of intense grief, I kept joking that I needed a figurative tattoo to remind me to be grateful, because there didn’t seem to be room in my heart for gratitude. But, I didn’t want to make a rash decision in the midst of so much emotional turmoil, and so I never got one.
But within two hours of getting off that plane in Key West, I found myself proudly sitting in a tattoo parlor on Duval Street, talking to the owner about savings plans for kids college funds (Hi, I’m Katie, and I’m an oversharer…) while getting the word “grateful” tattooed on my right wrist. And then my friends and I celebrated afterwards in classic Key West fashion. Which means I don’t remember how we celebrated, but I woke up in my hotel room the next day with this glorious tattoo.
Hardly a month later, COVID came into our worlds and turned everything upside down. I work in education and I own an education software company that is dependent on students physically being in a classroom. My husband is the executive director of a local theater. Both of our careers were hit particularly hard.
And everywhere I went, I had this stupid tattoo on my wrist reminding me to be “grateful.” Which seemed like a colossal joke. Our company, our family, was hanging on by a thread. We could barely leave our homes. Our jobs were continually in jeopardy or were changing so fast that it was hard to keep up while maintaining any kind of calm or normalcy.
It was the least grateful time in my life and I couldn’t help thinking that it would have been much more appropriate to get a tattoo that said “trainwreck” or “WTF” instead.
Winter came and went and spring showed her pretty face, too. But it wasn’t really until the summer months that I felt like my family started to get a good handle on this new lifestyle. I think we played more Rummikub and Sequence than I ever had in my life, but sitting around our kitchen table with my husband and my kids almost every night for board games became one of my favorite things.
Bike rides in the late afternoon. Family dog walks. Lazy Sundays with puzzles. School in our pajamas. Zoom calls for work with dress shirts on top and basketball shorts on the bottom. Home repairs. Late night movies because what was a bedtime? Little by little, as the world fell apart around us, I found myself rubbing my “gratitude” tattoo and offering up small prayers of thanks for sweet mercies and blessings like these.
One of the greatest blessings for me in 2020 was Crave. Seeing a community of young entrepreneurs persevere, grow, and find new ways to thrive during this year of mayhem was inspiring to me. I found myself sitting in our advisory council meetings, tapping my unlikely tattoo with my fingers, and offering up prayers of praise and appreciation for this group of people who had the faith and heart to continue blooming like wildflowers coming up in sidewalk cracks.
As 2021 has come in like a proverbial and political wrecking ball, I have strangely found myself grounded and centered amid the chaos, and I can’t help but think it has something to do with walking through the fires of 2020 and seeing the human spirit glowing brightly in my family, my community, and my Crave peers. Turns out, I made it through 2020 inspired, fulfilled, stronger, maybe a little wiser, and, oh, so very grateful.
Katie Brown Professional Development Chair email@example.com
December 2020 – Stephanie Preston-Hughes
Permission to Be Human
One of the characteristics that makes a strong Crave leader is holy discontent. Knowing that something is just not right, and it necessitates a response. This strikes a chord in me because of my profession as a mental health counselor. People pay to see me because something isn’t quite right in their own lives, and they want to figure out what to do about it.
Counselors create a sacred space where clients can be really honest with themselves as they sort out hard things. Struggling relationships, toxic workplaces, substance use problems, depression, family rejection. You get the picture. The tough stuff.
While I am consistently in awe of my client’s bravery, I am saddened by how harshly they judge themselves. I often hear things like: What’s wrong with me? Why am I getting so upset? I thought I dealt with this already? Why does it seem like nobody else is struggling with the same thing? I see them get frustrated with themselves for just being normal people.
In all truthfulness, I possess the same tendency to harshly self-criticize that my clients do. In my head it just sounds a little different : How could I have overlooked that thing she said in session two months ago? I should know how to help them with _____________ because I’m a licensed mental health professional. Why am I crying again?
Newsflash!! None of us is immune from mistakes, uncertainty, and emotions. We are human beings having human experiences and our feelings are a vital part of that humanity, not something that we need to make go away. In the era of COVID and political turmoil, we MUST give ourselves permission to experience “normal” responses to the extraordinary stressors in our world.
If you are part of the Crave Universe and reading this, then you are part of this humanity. too. Whether you are a teacher, pastor, parent, cashier, student, construction worker, artist, or wandering soul. I ask you to acknowledge your own humanness.
Celebrate the fact that Spirit has chosen you to nudge. Congratulate yourself for wanting to do something about the holy discontent you feel, even if you’re still figuring out what that is. Encourage yourself to keep asking hard questions, even when it makes others uncomfortable. Pat yourself on the back for your willingness to be vulnerable with those in the Crave community who are here to support you. Remember that you paradoxically end up more anxious when you ignore what is going on inside of yourself. Laugh at your imperfection. Practice showing up to your responsibilities in all the ways that you need to, and invite your feelings to come along for the ride, even if you don’t like them. Take a break sometimes and be okay with not having all the answers. They will come in their own time.
Crave is the sacred space where social innovators work with mentors and a spiritual support system to grow their visions for a better community. We fundamentally understand that life itself is a messy journey, and at the same time such a beautiful one worth taking. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t need each other. This is reflected in my favorite part of our community statement. “We honor each person’s journey because conversation is more valuable than conviction.” Just for today, give yourself permission to be all of the flawed but amazing person you are, and know that you always have a home with Crave. Engaging in deep dialogue as we offer ourselves in service to one another is the essence of who we are. Let us hold each other, and ourselves, in the light of tenderness.
Stephanie Preston-Hughes Coaching Chair, Crave Advisory Council firstname.lastname@example.org